Have you ever had that feeling that something isn’t right with your brain or your body (or both)…but you don’t know what it is?
It seems like overnight you’re having all of these bizarre symptoms that you never had before, but your doctor says everything is “normal” or “it’s just in your head,” so just go home and,
“Do some self-care.”
If you’re thinking what in the actual f*ck right now, you’re on the right track.
No matter how much you work out or “eat right,” you can’t lose weight as easily as easily as you used to. Wait, actually the numbers on the scale stopped going down at all, they just keep going up, and somehow all that extra weight migrated right to your middle.
You are so, SO tired but you also can’t fall asleep, or you wake up every night at 3am. (Why is it always 3am?!). Your brain doesn’t seem to keep up with day to day life anymore (goodbye short-term memory!), and you’re either crying uncontrollably or in a I’m-going-to-start-breaking-shit kind of mood.
Then your hair starts falling out, your skin is itchy, something is going on with your face (since when do I have wrinkles there and what are those weird flesh-colored bumps?).
You haven’t thought about sex in months and when you decide to try it out, you realize and you have…desert vagina. Not dessert vagina…desert vagina.
As in, “MY VAGINA IS DRIER THAN THE SAHARA DESERT!”
Oops…I didn’t mean to yell that loud…annnnd now people are staring.
Oh, I forgot…now you also have heartburn like your grandpa, because all that other shit just wasn’t enough, you’re constipated or bloated, or you fart ALL.THE.TIME….
I’m talking farts that rival a rocket ship, or a field full of cows, or a school cafeteria serving only broccoli that day.
Are you in your 30s, 40s, or 50s but you feel like you are 70?…or 80? (Well, what you imagine 70 or 80 feels like anyways…because walking up the stairs hurts your knees and your mom’s knees…sorry mom!).
Well, you’re in the right place…finally!
Hello! My name is Sarah, I am 41 years old, and I am in perimenopause. I’m just a millennial mom living in Minnesota, trying to raise two girls and work and plan for the future when surprise! Suddenly I can’t function anymore and I’m pretty sure I am losing my mind.
Perimenopause is often referred to as “peri” for short these days, but I think the name MenoMonster is more fitting. The MenoMonster has moved its little evil self into my body and it travels around with its sinister eyes and sharp little fangs, poking and prodding, and wreaking all sorts of havoc.
And I’m here to tell the MenoMonster to f*ck off and to write about it along the way.
But first thing’s first…
I have to let out a huge fart.
Thank you, perimenopause.
What has perimenopause surprised YOU with?!